How many times have you said that? Do they both mean the same thing?
I asked a friend the other day that very same question. “I’m not afraid of doing it,” I said. “I know I can do it. I’m afraid what people will say about me. Is that still me not wanting to do it or am I in denial?” She said “Yes.” Gotta love honest friends.
I’ve held onto jobs and relationships because I was terrified about how the end would go. How my boyfriend/lover/boss/therapist would take the news that I was leaving. What would happen? Who would be hurt; and how would that hurt affect me? How many things would change? So many outcomes in my head! So many excuses for not living my true purpose. I didn’t understand then, but I see it very clearly now. I had to “leave” all of those relationships if I was ever going to fulfill my soul contract.
Sometimes the lesson is in the staying and sometimes it’s in the leaving. The question is always…how do you know?
I tried more than a few times to leave “him”. It never worked. My thoughts, his words…so many things stopped me from moving forward. I remember my therapist asked me, “What would happen if you didn’t call him?” I said, with no hesitation at all, “I’d die.” What? Where did that come from? Did I really believe I would die from leaving someone? Apparently I did! So I set out to discover why I said that.
My first stop was past-lives. I had previously attended a workshop with Alberto Villoldo and had done some work on meditations with past-lives. Those lives were all about me being alone. Living alone and dying alone and I had processed those and worked on those. But in this present life-time I was with someone that I couldn’t leave. I wasn’t alone…or was I? My first stop was Google.
I found more meditations. In each one I saw myself, every time I left this man, dying. I committed suicide, I was murdered, I “fell” off a cliff. There weren’t any happy outcomes to me leaving this man. But leave I must. And knowing this information about my past-lives with this man, I could make a more conscious choice about leaving. Although, it certainly took a little more time than I thought, the end result was a very large leap forward for me. We had both already learned the best and worst about us through this commitment. Now I needed to do more of my own work. So the intention was set. Every time I felt the need to go back, I remembered those past-lives and I moved forward instead of back. They were a piece of me, but they were no longer me and they no longer controlled how I viewed this particular situation.
I was convinced. Past-life work really does help. You don’t have to stay in them or blame them or figure out what the exact reason is for everything about them. All you need to do is find the emotion; the feeling that went along with what happened and equate it to this life-time.
I’ve done a lot more work on my past lives and loves, and now helping others with their past-lives are a part of my work. A trip into the Akashic Records was the first time I saw one of my past-lives with Jerry Hicks. So much more to say and so little space here. And there’s that one past life that haunts me still.
It is my pleasure to be of service.
I am grateful for any comments or questions. Please share! Stay tuned for more…